Red pill or blue pill?

I would take the red pill without hesitation.

I’d go back and make better choices with the knowledge I have now:

The years of anguish I’d save knowing that my brain is wired a little differently than others.

I’d know that I am ok, I am enough.

With a better sense of value and self-worth, I’d steer clear of J.A., J-P.R., and C.W.: the 3 worst men to ever cross my path. As much as I loved each of them, they were horrible people who were horrible to me. I couldn’t love them into decent men. If I couldn’t avoid them altogether, at least I’d have the knowledge and the courage to tell them to stay the hell away from me. No way would I tolerate their crap again in the new life!!

I’d appreciate my parents more than I did. I know they always did the best that they could. Everything they did was out of love whether I realized it or not. Having friends who are parents gave me some insight. That shit isn’t easy. They were such lovely people and great parents. I miss them so much.

I’d apply myself more in school.

I’d keep my body moving with activities that I loved…figure skating, softball, dancing, walking. I’d force myself to eat more veggies. I would not let anyone criticize my body. I would love my body. Period. I’d tell younger me that people in the future pay big money for the features we were born with.

I would order 10-year old me to immediately stop chemically straightening our hair and to not wait until 2013.

I’d pursue my passion of standup much, much sooner. I wouldn’t hold myself back and wait 37 years because of fear of failure or of what others might think.

I believe that I would still meet the people I’m supposed to meet (good or bad) even if my life went in a completely different direction.

I would take more risks and chances. I’d live life to the fullest and with wild abandon.

I wish either pill existed for real.